The Black Book – Digital

It has not felt ok to me to say or write the things I feel. So, I was surprised that when I actually started to write in The Black Book I felt brave and even like there was something tangible holding my emotions. I became more aware of my thoughts and gave myself permission to release them in a journal instead of “freaking out,” when I didn't want to. It gives me a safety net in my mind and a direction to go. There is nothing to lose with The Black Book process. It’s therapeutic and empowering all at the same time. It is a small effort with large results for my mental health. It is my favorite step into mindfulness every day.

Happiness and success has always felt like it is tied to the details of my past. The same things kept coming up even when I thought I had moved past them. It's funny,I didn’t think I had things to write about and so I was surprised how the words just started bursting out when using The Black Book. It was like there was so much ready to be said. At first, writing even felt scary like someone would find out the feelings and thoughts I had inside me. After shredding though, it didn’t seem like I needed to fear what was inside of me. I actually felt empowered like tackling what haunted me was actually within my power and didn't require some expensive, cumbersome, or exhausting journey. I’ve noticed I can more easily connect with others because there isn’t a looming and scary unknown that dictates my relationships. I am realizing we all have stuff that needs to be said or recognized to release our hold on it. Showing up to shred feels like showing up for yourself.

I have found that when it seems like my feelings are beginning to suffocate me and I don’t know how to put into words what I am experiencing, “The Black Book” brings the relief I need. I remind myself to let go of the frustration that my handwriting isn’t very neat, and I’m able to quite literally go outside of the lines, write sloppy and feel okay about it. Some of my words become bold, capitalized, and underlined and I feel okay that I don’t follow the prompt perfectly. As I begin to open up, I feel like I am expressing myself in a way that I previously hadn’t let myself. Being someone that thinks into things quite a bit, it feels freeing to just write without thinking too much into what I write or why, but rather just let it flow. I also feel a lot less like I need to act or speak a certain way and can just let loose. My worries feel less dominating and life is a little more manageable.